16 things that piss me off in the gym . .

First, let me say . . this is purely for shits & giggles .. it doesn’t apply to EVERYONE . .  one of few . . so don’t get your panties in a twist & sit back, relax.

1. Nobody needs to wear jeans to the gym. nobody. Long, short, tight, loose. this isn’t a runway show, put the denims AWAY.

2. Wearing sunglasses inside . . really? is the glare from your massive ego making it hard to see normally like everybody else?

3. Don’t ask me for advice and then get defensive. You clearly don’t want to get better, you want JUSTIFICATION for what you’re already doing.

4. You’re DYING to get in shape, yet you expend 90% of your energy collapsed on the floor wimping that you can’t do the exercise . . when you would have been done by now. Lazy prick.

5. Training partners are fine. Training GROUPS? what the fuck is that. 10 guys crowding around one machine . . are we working out or are we dissecting a piece of art?

6. You don’t ALWAYS have to be fancy schmancy . . supersets . . giant sets . . switching here . . moving there. it’s ok to stick with the one movement for more than 60 seconds . . seriously, it’s ok.

7. If you’re natural, fine. If you’re not, fine. But don’t say you are when you’re clearly fucking not. And grab a tissue, because the 3000 pimples on your back are about to perform a volcanic eruption & it ain’t gonna be pretty.

8. Don’t pretend like you don’t know what you’re doing when you’re standing RIGHT in front of the dumbbell rack performing your front raises ?? “Sorry, am i in your way?” . . oh gee, let me think. Asshole.

9. Ladies, if you’re wearing undies as shorts to the gym, don’t complain that you’re getting eye raped. Maybe invest in a little more material and the issue might miraculously resolve itself.

10. I am not going to give you constant reassurance that you look good. Don’t believe me? Fine. You look like shit.

11. “How many more sets you got to go on there mate”  . . i’m in the middle of my freaking set . . and you & me . . we’re not “mates”. Right now, you’re a fly in my face.

13. Put the weights back in the right place. If you’re big enough to pick them up, you’re big enough to put them back. I’m not your mum, clean up your own shit.

15. Don’t be a dumbbell whore, and lay out 5 different sizes in advance, in a nice little row. I appreciate the need to be efficient, but making the other 20 people wait is not the idea of a WOO-HOO good time.

16. Bodybuilders, do you really have to take your top off eeeeeeeeeeeevery, tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime you happen to stumble upon your own reflection in the mirror. I don’t think anything is going to look different from now and in 2 minutes time. Only your scale of dickheadness just went up.

What pisses  you off?? . . feel free to post below.

hot cross buns

so i’m doing my frequent, boring ‘let’s get it over with’ trip to the supermarket . . walk through the doors . . first thing i spot on the left hand entrance . .

HOT CROSS BUNS.

Hot cross buns . . really? We JUST finished recovering from xmas and you’re laying out this red carpet of OBESE on a platter.

It’s JANUARY. Jesus ain’t planning on rising from the dead anytime soon.

“But noone has to buy it” . .  majority of people don’t have that self-control . . they’re not INCLINED to think that way . . if something is in front of their face, they’re going to fuckin’ eat it . . why do you think they structure and market the stores that way.

I’m all for one hot cross bun every now and then . . but it’s not that ONE hot cross bun that’s concerning. . it’s the dozen other buns that come after the “i’ll just have one” bun.

I thought we were slowly progressing towards a healthier future . . this is not one of those steps.

Wanna take a step? Try replacing those sugar infested buns with a piece of GREENERY that’s made from actual earth.

Wanna take a bigger step? Don’t buy them. Not because of the bun, not because you’re going to “get fat” . . because of what it REPRESENTS for our future . . each bun you buy, it’s like you’re feeding into their tricks . . be smarter than that.

MEL LASHES OUT PT 1 . . the ”squat”

new clip . . 100kg squat . . tiny girl . . “cool, this should be a fun clip to watch” . . i press play . .

WHAT WAS FUCK WAS THAT? 

. . . i just wasted 32 seconds of my freakin life . . .

Because that DEFINITELY was not a squat . . hell i wouldn’t even call it a partial squat . . it was more like an IMPARTIAL squat.

I’m all for people testing their boundaries . . getting out of that zone of comfortableness . . but COME ON DUDE . . if you’re not wiping your ass with that floor FORGET IT. You’re not working . . you’re taking a little dip in the big man’s pool . . don’t dive in unless you’re prepared to make a bit splash . .

I wouldn’t be getting so worked up about it if i didn’t see it ALL THE FREAKIN TIME . . and when you see things like improper form from the very first rep to things like inefficient range of motion . . there’s no excuse for that guys seriously . . with ALL the resources available to us you know better than to do that shit . . no fuckin excuse.

If you don’t know how to do something effectively ASK.

If there’s no one around to ask, RESEARCH.

  

I know this may look a bit different to you impartial squatters . . it’s ok . . we’ll give you some time to get used to it.

And if you by any chance happen to fall witness to someone performing this strange, outlandish manoeuvre, i sincerely empathize with you and hereby grant you the permission to knock them unconscious on their ass . . and least then they’ll know what they’re aiming for next time in their squat.

If i see someone “squat” like that again i will not be held accountable for my actions ;)

 

This guy does his squats . . o0o0o YEAH !!

naughty people . . take the spotlight

no matter who you are . .  what you do . . how WELL you succeed in your life . . someone is always there to try to bring you down . . that pessimist son of a b**** who doesn’t accept & appreciate that you live your life a certain way . . that you are the way you are . . that you make shit choices . . good choices . .  but they’re YOUR choices and YOU have to live with them . .
When you are dieting for the 10th time, they are the ones counting down the days until you give in to the bag of gummi bears they brought over for you last night . . how thoughtful . . 
When you achieve something . . they are the ones that put it down to “luck”  . . not hard work . .
They are the ones that fail to realize what life really is about . . about being the best that you can be each and every day . . being a better version of yourself every single day and contributing to other people’s lives  . .
Other people’s lives? What other people? It’s all about ME, ME, ME . .  MY shit life . . MY shit luck . . MY problems . . 
They rip out something BAD about a FANTASTIC situation . . and try to drag you to hell with them . .
They’re the “friends” that when you think about it . . contribute NOTHING to your life but hassle . . gossip . .  and negative talk.
They refuse to “come to the party” admitting that they are human . . and they are wrong at times too . .
Refusing to take responsibility for their actions . .
You know who you are . .
So to all the shit people . . the ones that want you to come over to the dark side . . to be sad and depressed with them . . live a short & unhappy life. . that don’t have anything good to say about ANYTHING . . i feel sorry for you . . you want your moment in the spotlight? HERE IT IS . . because you’re nothing but a fly on my windscreen . .

double standards

 

Last night was NOT a good night in my books . .

There’s a LOT of things that need changing in the world . . a lot of things that aren’t how they should be.

One of them is DOUBLE STANDARDS.

Yes . . you know the “I can give you attitude . . but OHHH no . . HOLD THE PHONE . . you are NOT allowed to give ME attitude” . .

Well STICK EM REX.

I’m sorry that you wake up every morning with a dreaded look of “oh, I have to go into work today”..

I’m sorry that you skipped a meal . .

That it’s your time of the month . .

That somebody looked at you a certain way . .

That somebody DIDN’T look at you . .

GET OVER IT.

Pinch yourself, because YES you’re still alive, you’re still breathing, clearly still showing some kind of emotion.

We ALL have our own shit going on, and I DEFINITELY don’t need you to be fertilizing my problems with your shit!!

I think the world would be a MUCH better place if we just smiled a bit more . . laughed a bit more . . if we were more grateful for the smaller things that get unnoticed, the fact that people LOVE us and that we have the ability to be all that we want to be . . that we are FREE to do what we want . .

I just think we should all take a step back sometimes . . and realise we aren’t in such a bad place after all . . and we have it quite easy compared to others . . other countries . .

OR you could just keep your angry fluffing to yourself!!

POSITIVE: No need for coffee to get me going last night . . cardio was energized by the sweet firey anger that I had in my possession . . and OH BOY did it do the job . . funny how much harder you can go when you add the right petrol to your petrol tank . .

GYM PERSONALITIES

It’s funny . . you see so many different types of people at the gym . . .

Those that breeze through their workouts . . . never to break sweat . . never does a strand of hair move marginally out of place.

The blooming adolescents, who expend majority of their energy looking at what everybody ELSE is lifting and wishing one day they could lift the same . . . (but not doing anything about it of course).

The average gym goers who do the same presses, the same movements, the same reps & sets week in and week out . . the ones that wonder why they look the SAME week in and week out . . month to month . . year to year.

The “heavy” lifters who pack on the poundage but fail to activate the ACTUAL muscles the exercise is designed to activate . . oh that’s right . . the MORE weight the better . . form is so last year . .

The cardio queens who wouldn’t know what a weight was if it slapped them across the head . .
The posers . . last time I checked those muscle fibers don’t stimulate themselves . . and they sure don’t grow by continuously checking out your “guns” in the mirror . . or lack of.

OH . . and let’s not forget the guys that spend more time exercising the muscles in their jaw then the muscles of their lower body.

Yesturday I had a guy come up to me at the gym and ask whether all the exercises on his program were necessary to do . . asking if he could skip a few . .

SKIP A FEW?

Are you fuckin serious?!

Time and effort was spent formulating that program for YOU and you’re asking me whether you can negotiate a “GET OUT OF JAIL FREE” card . .

BUDDY . . have you got a lot to learn . .

Having an extraordinary physique . . a physique at ALL is a 24/7 job which you don’t quit . . don’t take the easy way out . . don’t talk back . . you just DO . . simply just DO.

It’s like a business: It does not run itself and it does not increase your payoff if you treat it like a recreational hobby.

Fair enough we all want results NOW . . that’s just the kind of selfishness we’ve adapted to . . if it’s not happening in a week . . a month . . by this EXACT certain date . . why is it worth my time?

Because Noah . . when you build that arc . . you’re going to have accomplished something that few can say they’re truly happy with . . and you know what? You probably STILL won’t be happy . . so you move on to the finer detailing and sculpting of this masterpiece it’s taken you HOURS to create . . but by this stage you don’t care . . because you know what happens when you have that laser focus . .

You’ll see for yourself . . it can’t be rushed . . can’t be stressed . .
It takes time, commitment, consistency, and persistence along with determination.

Once you ACCEPT that . . you start to enjoy the process . . and your body starts working for you.

CARDIO.

Cardio.

Such a simple word. Yet is the epitome of so much pain.

I can’t make up my mind.

Whether I love it or I hate it.

But I do it anyway.

Let’s just call it a love/hate relationship and cardio has me WHIPPED.

It’s like the icing on the cake after my gruelling weight session.

Ok, so maybe not icing or cake, maybe the lemon juice on my salad?

ANYWAY

You know those days that you just don’t feel like even LOOKING at that section of the room.

Oh boy, I tell ya, the last thing I felt like doing after my “everything goes leg day” was stepping on that BIKE.

BUT, thankfully I don’t let the mind take over in these kinds of situations.

20:00 minutes.

Let’s do this.

Interval 1, DONE & DUSTED
Interval 5, I’m sooo doing this, I don’t know what all my whining was about.
Interval 8, ahhh *throws the towel over the screen*
Keep it up Mel . . just do the movement.
Interval 10, it’s only 30 seconds Mel, it’s only 30 seconds.
Interval 12, f*%^ . . I need distraaaactions . . look at the bit of fluff on the floor, start to read the label on the water bottle, eyes flick quickly back to the screen, bad idea, don’t look at the screen Mel, 28 seconds,29,30.
Interval 14, COME ON MEL, no matter what, nearly theeeeere.
Interval 15, damn that freakin' lactic acid, the timing on the screen couldn’t possibly be right I didn’t have enough time to rest, last interval Mel, last interval, 28 seconds,29,30.

DONE.

FINISHED.

FINI-TO.

Thank GOD for that.

Guess who's feeling on top of the world now?

YES SIR.

You know what gets under my skin. . .

People (this comment being more exclusively aimed at guys) that REFUSE to do cardio because they “don’t want to lose muscle”. That precious, precious muscle that they’ve taken years to get.

Do you even know the effect cardio has on your body when you’re DOING it?

Or are you going off the wise words Joe Black from down the road who has “been around for a while so he knows what he’s talking about”, told you?

Yes muscle proteins ARE broken down and used for energy during aerobic exercise but your body is constantly going back and forth between anabolic (building) and catabolic (breaking down) muscle tissue anyway.

When you fast overnight you lose muscle too, doesn’t mean you should stop sleeping!

Cardio actually assists recovery from your weight sessions. It supports the blood flow and oxygen transport to your muscles.

Losing muscle has more to do with your diet than anything else.

Not eating enough carbs, not eating enough protein, not eating enough PERIOD is your biggest problem.

It takes your body more energy to maintain muscle tissue than it does to maintain fat tissue.

So if you’re not eating enough, your body goes into survival mode, you better believe the first thing it’s going to do is go straight for the muscle tissue.

The result – burning that precious muscle mass of yours.

So eat up CHAMP and quit worrying about to do or not to do!

Just do the damn thing!

Off you go…

ROADBLOCKERS

Another person thinking they know what’s best for me and my body.

Just because I watch what goes into my mouth, just because I consistently exercise and live a healthy lifestyle does not make it a “bad” thing.

I may not think about food the same way a lot of others do but that does not give anyone the right to dictate how or what you should be eating.

EVER.

Friends can be good yet evil for you at the same time.

The good friends, the ones to keep, are the ones that understand or at least bare minimum ACCEPT the life you live, not necessarily understanding why you live it the way you do.

I don’t try and dictate your life, all I ask is that you give the same courtesy.

One of these “friends” was talking to me about how my life is all about health and fitness and I never used to be this extreme with my food and exercise. . . yeh and?

When people tell you of a concern they have with you and your body your first reaction is to either retaliate or accept it.

So I was thinking to myself, this was a while ago, i've grown up since then, "is something wrong with me, am I going too far with this all, should I take a step back."

Then I woke up to myself.

Who is this person to tell me how I should live my life?

This person I have not spoken to for who knows how many months.
This person does not follow me around 24/7 to have even the slightest INKLING of how or what I eat, when I eat it, how I go about my everyday life.

NOW this person wants some sort of say on the choices I make with regards to my mind and my body?

Are you effing serious?

It’s STUPID to allow this person’s comments or “advice” implement the structure of my life.

Don’t know what came over me for that 5 minutes but it will NEVER happen again.

If YOU believe in something, you’ve done your research, you believe it to be correct and true, you must COMMIT to it 100%. Promise me you will?

Because everybody else, they’re just outsiders. They mean NOTHING when it comes to your dreams and your ambitions.
They do not spend any where NEAR the time you spend with yourself to know half of what you go through or what you’re trying to attain.

They’re road blockers that are trying to stop you from getting to where you’re determined to go.

Repeat after me.

I WILL NOT ALLOW MY FRIENDS OR FAMILY TO INFLUENCE MY LIFE DECISIONS, BE IT BIG OR SMALL, NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION.

Repeat it again. OUT LOUD!

Good.

Everybody is different.
Everybody has opinions.
Everybody has advice.

Don’t let people’s positive/negative experiences affect you and your body.

You are far too precious for that!

Keep your eye on the prize ok?

For now, be healthy from the inside out.

x Mel x

IT'S YOUR FREAKIN CHOICE!

*sighs*



i feel so worked up this morning . . not sure what it is but people just ANNOY you sometimes with some of their choices.



i know this one person who is wanting to lose weight.



all is good, this person is exercising, seems into being healthy & fit, until i see this person eating a FREAKIN MARS BAR AT 10.00 IN THE MORNING!



it should be ILLEGAL to eat that junk before noon, if at all.



sure it's their decision, blah blah blah . . but when they're constantly going on about how they're doing EVERYTHING possible to lose those few pounds . . that just pisses me off.

this person refuses to go on a too strict a diet because they need it to be a diet they can follow for the rest of their life . . something easy. EASY?! since when did anything in life that was worth having come easy?
if that were the case we would all be working around with 8 PACS!

wake up to yourself mate!

you are not doing everything you can do get to where you want to be . . not by the slighest.

your intentions are there? so what! that doesn't mean SQUAT.

EVERYTHING would be eating clean, wholesome, nutritious foods NO MATTER WHAT the circumstance . . doesn't matter if it's your time of the month, if you broke up with your boyfriend, if you had a fight with your best mate, if you broke a nail . .



life throws shit at you every second of every day . . DEAL WITH IT . . not with food, not with eating your emotions . . but by sorting your shit out . . confront the issue at hand . . eating that $2 no good mars bar is not going to get you where you want to go . . by ANY means.



sure it makes you feel good for 5 seconds and then all you're left with is guilt . what's the point?



same goes for guys/girls who are "trying" to bulk up . . eating everything in sight . . what the fuck?



do not tell me all those no good calories are going to be beneficial for putting on muscle . . unless you plan on putting on FAT with that . .

you are not doing EVERYTHING possible to get where you want to be . .



EVERYTHING possible would be doing your research on what's worked in the past . . talking to people who have been where you are . . achieved what you're wanting to achieve . .

not scoffing down 5 mcchicken burgers because they "need the extra protein."



that's so bullshit.



how much research is there out there . . people have done it all before . . so stop being LAZY and whip your ass into gear.

just remember everytime you pick up that donut, or beer, or kfc chips . . that it is in no way assisting your body in any way . . it's EMOTIONAL EATING . . that's it.

sure it's going to shock your body for a bit but there's a LOAD of other healthier ways to do it . . not by putting that shit into your mouth.

i'm not saying you shouldn't treat yourself or eat what you eat but live with the consequences and live with your choices . . don't go bitching about it and saying you're doing it all . .

because you are NOT DOING IT ALL.

that is all.

time to pump the calves & finish off with some interval training.

TRAIN HARD!

x