Tuesday, January 25, 2011

16 things that piss me off in the gym . .

First, let me say . . this is purely for shits & giggles .. it doesn’t apply to EVERYONE . .  one of few . . so don’t get your panties in a twist & sit back, relax.

1. Nobody needs to wear jeans to the gym. nobody. Long, short, tight, loose. this isn’t a runway show, put the denims AWAY.

2. Wearing sunglasses inside . . really? is the glare from your massive ego making it hard to see normally like everybody else?

3. Don’t ask me for advice and then get defensive. You clearly don’t want to get better, you want JUSTIFICATION for what you’re already doing.

4. You’re DYING to get in shape, yet you expend 90% of your energy collapsed on the floor wimping that you can’t do the exercise . . when you would have been done by now. Lazy prick.

5. Training partners are fine. Training GROUPS? what the fuck is that. 10 guys crowding around one machine . . are we working out or are we dissecting a piece of art?

6. You don’t ALWAYS have to be fancy schmancy . . supersets . . giant sets . . switching here . . moving there. it’s ok to stick with the one movement for more than 60 seconds . . seriously, it’s ok.

7. If you’re natural, fine. If you’re not, fine. But don’t say you are when you’re clearly fucking not. And grab a tissue, because the 3000 pimples on your back are about to perform a volcanic eruption & it ain’t gonna be pretty.

8. Don’t pretend like you don’t know what you’re doing when you’re standing RIGHT in front of the dumbbell rack performing your front raises ?? “Sorry, am i in your way?” . . oh gee, let me think. Asshole.

9. Ladies, if you’re wearing undies as shorts to the gym, don’t complain that you’re getting eye raped. Maybe invest in a little more material and the issue might miraculously resolve itself.

10. I am not going to give you constant reassurance that you look good. Don’t believe me? Fine. You look like shit.

11. “How many more sets you got to go on there mate”  . . i’m in the middle of my freaking set . . and you & me . . we’re not “mates”. Right now, you’re a fly in my face.

13. Put the weights back in the right place. If you’re big enough to pick them up, you’re big enough to put them back. I’m not your mum, clean up your own shit.

15. Don’t be a dumbbell whore, and lay out 5 different sizes in advance, in a nice little row. I appreciate the need to be efficient, but making the other 20 people wait is not the idea of a WOO-HOO good time.

16. Bodybuilders, do you really have to take your top off eeeeeeeeeeeevery, tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime you happen to stumble upon your own reflection in the mirror. I don’t think anything is going to look different from now and in 2 minutes time. Only your scale of dickheadness just went up.

What pisses  you off?? . . feel free to post below.


  1. (1) when ppl just chill on the machine.. and talk chat to their friends...... cos i need to go on the machine but have to ask them to get off it.. grr!!

    (2) this one is the most annoying.. it is the reason why i don't go to the gym in the mornings anymore.. and i go in the evenings....... cos the "morning mothers" just looovveee to come and have a conversation with me... and they just talk and talk and talk.. and i'm thinking.. coming to the gym is ME-TIME!! i just wanna have a quick and good work-out, then go home.. i don't want to talk to them, but they just LOVE to waste my time chatting.. and i gotta smile and nod through my frustration..

  2. Love it girl!.. Yesterday our resident 83yr old did his entire weights session in his Prada sunnies. SO i asked him why he was wearing them inside. He said, "they make me look cool'! lol

  3. New years resolution attendees. I know you have to start somewhere, but they flood the gym for a month and make gym life miserable.

  4. The Kung-Fu noises people make in the Gym while they are pumping weights. No need for the noises, sounds like a GangBang Session in the gym, I dont need that shit going on over the top of Channel V playing Mariah Carey - Touch My Body, Maybe its my fault for not bringing an iPod, I dont know. Either way, keep the Screams and Hasssaaaaaaa noises down and go and clean out your Underwear before you stink out the gym!

  5. Bicep curls in the squat rack.

    Pencils necks with 4 plates on the bar doing 1/4 squats!!

    Mobile Phone conversations turn the F.... thing OFF & TRAIN!