It's funny . . sometimes it's SO much harder to remind yourself what you're doing . . why you're doing it . . other times you have tunnel vision . . you know EXACTLY what needs to get done . . WHY you're killing yourself over it . . but your body still may not respond the way you want . .
Sometimes the minutes spent training feel a lot longer than they should . . sometimes it feels like it’s flown by . .
Sometimes you feel like you have all the support in the world . . you thrive on that energy and put it into your training . . but there are times when even though you may have all that support . . you still feel like you’re out there all alone . . it’s just you on the edge of the cliff . . going through the motions . . no one or nothing can make you feel better . . no motivational quotes . . no slap on the ass . . no amount of stimulants . . so you just go through the motions . . like a zombie . .
No one understands what goes on in your head before . . during . . or after a training session . . no one knows how much passion you have inside of you . . how much energy you have . . when you have your ups . . your downs . . when you feel totally depleted . . how much effort you put in when no ones around . . when you don’t know think you can do it . .
No one knows your thought process . . how scared you really are sometimes . . the fear of failure AND fear of success . . fear of not knowing the end of the road . . what it will take to get there . . if you’ve put in enough time . . enough effort . . fear of letting yourself down . . fear of letting others down . . fear of not reaching your own expectations . . others expectations . .
But through all this training . . the thoughts in our heads . . the things that encourage us and discourage us . . we learn SO much about ourselves . . what makes us tick . . what makes us click . . and sometimes the things we discover we don’t want to see for ourselves . . but we become better all the better for it . .
I question myself every day . . yes I feel ALL of these feelings . . I go through ALL of these times . . but that’s what I find motivating . . I don’t have the answers . . I don’t pretend that I do . . I just keep fighting and maybe something good happens . . maybe it doesn’t.